Q: What is (product)? Why should I buy it?
A: If you don’t already know, you shouldn’t be here. Move along.

Q: What will I receive in my order?
A: Whatever it is that you ordered. Probably in a bag of some sort, or a glass vial that hopefully wasn’t crushed in the mail.

Q: Can you tell me what to do with my product once I’ve received it?
A: It depends upon which analysis technique you’re using. I’m sure you can figure it out, if not, ask your professor.

Q: My product is clumpy. Is it supposed to be clumpy?
A: Probably, if it’s piracetam. Piracetam is somewhat hygroscopic and is prone to forming clumps that are easily broken apart or crushed. To prevent clumps store with a moisture absorber.

Q: Help! I left my alpha-gpc out overnight and now it’s a puddle!
A: Should have read the notes on the shipment insert. It’s incredibly hygroscopic, it will suck water out of the air like nobody’s business. Keep it sealed away as best you can.

Q: Who are you?
A: I’m a curmudgeonly sysadmin with a mighty neckbeard.

Q: Can I make you a better website?
A: No.

Q: How long will it take to receive my order?
A: Depending upon how far away you are from Oregon, anywhere from 3-5 days after I put it into the mailbox. I am trying to ship every day, but sometimes it’s as few as three times a week.

Q: What is your returns policy?
A: I do not accept returns caused by unmet expectations of pharmacalogic efficacy in laboratory animals. These products are for research, if your treatment-group rats can’t learn their mazes faster than the control group I can’t be held responsible, you’re probably just doing it wrong anyway. Serious disputes can be resolved in the Reddit Court of Internet Justice.

Q: Do you ship internationally?
A: Yes, but there is a steep surcharge depending upon where it’s headed. Email me for details.

Q: Do you accept any other payment methods?
A: Bitcoin and Dwolla. My bitcoin address is on the sidebar, be sure to send me an email first and we’ll agree on a bitcoin amount. I may not accept bitcoin if MtGox has been unstable lately. Same with Dwolla, just send me an email.

Q: What domestic shipping options do you have available?
A: USPS First Class Mail. Tracking and delivery confirmation are extra. Please email me first if you really need these services as they cost quite a bit more ($15+)

Q: No really, what is this stuff for? A friend or relative purchased some and I just want to know what it is.
A: Laboratory testing equipment calibration or animal experimentation. I’m sure there are other uses, I just can’t remember any of them right now. Just Google it, I’m not going to do it for you; although I hear there’s a site out there that will.